Elders' Blog

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Church membership is more like marriage

I’ve had some time in the last few days to reflect on the depth of feeling I have for my baby son Samuel. The love of a parent for a child is remarkable, because it is instant and total. In other relationships I’ve had, even my dating relationship with Emma, which led to marriage, the growth of my love and commitment has been a function of time. But my love and commitment to Samuel is total already — I don’t need to get to know him any better than I already do.

I’ve been wondering why God decided that marriage would be a covenant relationship between a man and a woman, whereas there is no required covenant between a parent and child. Surely part of the reason is that the covenant relationship between a man and a woman is a representation of the covenant relationship between Christ and his bride, the church (Ephesians 5).

But perhaps another reason that God requires a covenant between husband and wife, and not between parent and child, is that marriages tend to break up easier. In our culture, divorce is a much bigger problem than the disowning of children. The love I’ve already experienced for Samuel is a common experience of parents — and it lasts. While there are certainly all kinds of painful seasons between parents and children, most parents are fiercely committed to their children. Unfortunately, many husbands and many wives do not maintain an equal degree of commitment to each other. Perhaps this is why God requires a marriage covenant; because he knows it is necessary to keep marriages together when spouses are tempted to call it quits and go their separate ways.

It seems to me that church membership is more like marriage than like the love of a parent for a child. When we join a church, we do not feel for other members the sort of instant, deep, total attraction that a parent feels for a child. And when we become disenchanted with the other people in our church, it can seem all too easy to say goodbye and move on to the next church.

That is why we need church membership at PCF — because we need that extra degree of commitment, just like a husband and wife do. A few days ago, in a comment on the Elder Blog, Julia Gamble said she supported church membership because it means that people will stay with their church in the good times and the bad times. That is exactly right. Joshua Harris has written a book called Stop Dating the Church. We must call one other to a deepened commitment, rather than a casual relationship that we can walk away from when we get bored or frustrated with each other.

The benefit of a committed marriage relationship is massive: it displays to the watching world the love of Christ for his church.

Similarly, the benefit of a committed church relationship is enormous: it demonstrates to the world that PCF is not simply a social club. Rather, we are disciples of Christ, committed deeply to one another and to the world God has made. Our commitment to one another manifests the truth that we really are followers of Jesus (John 13.35).

Posted by Stephen Witmer on Aug 28, 01:18 PM

3 Comments

I agree marriage is a good analogy for church membership, and it might be useful to think of what often substitutes for marriage in today’s culture, which is living together. I often wonder why two people will sometimes live together for years, yet they hesitate to make a commitment to get married. What is it that keeps them from taking that step when they have already invested so much and done so much of the work involved in being married? I have that same question for someone who attends a church for a long time, yet feels unsure about making the commitment to become a member. I think that for many people, there are valid concerns that get in the way (in both marriage and church membership, but this is about church membership). As we explore church membership, it will be important to listen to those who resist the change and to understand why they have concerns. I support church membership, but we may learn of some important dangers that we can avoid as we listen to those who have experienced hurts in the past. And I hope it will be reassuring to those who have concerns to know that they are being heard—that we are not going to just steamroll over anyone who stands in the way.

Posted by Ed Marino Aug 29, 08:09 AM

I agree … er … I Do

Posted by Bob Thomson Sep 8, 01:01 PM

Stephen’s comments are right on the mark… I hadn’t thought about the idea of membership that way before. If you are going to join a church, is that joining casual (yes I’m a member) or a commitment (yes, I AM A MEMBER!)?

It caused me to think about the churches we’ve belong to. In three there was a strong commitment that went both ways in the church-to-member relationship (we left those due to a job relocation). In another the church was asking but never giving. In a forth, it started as a two-way relationship, but after pastoral changes, that relationship changed. Just as in a marriage, people have to believe that they matter, are valued, and loved —- not just as a body of people but as persons.

Stephen’s concept also provides a basis for individuals to consider if they want to be members — are you willing to make a serious commitment? And what does that commitment mean? It also means that there needs to be a period of “dating” to find out if the church and an individual are really suited for each other. And because of Stephen’s comment it caused a change in my thinking… membership should be open to anyone who desires it, but only after serious reflection… not “ok, I’m here I guess I’m a member”.

Church programs should be open to anyone, member or not, first time visitor or long-time attendee. But a movement to membership, which means participation in church government (at the very least, voting), should be considered as a serious step. This shouldn’t be taken as a requirement of having a possible member go through some sort of testing… but people should consider that by becoming a member, more is expected of them.

I’m strongly in favor of PCF’s instituting church membership, and I’ve been wondering why it is taking so long. It is a serious step for a church and for those that would be members. Taking it slow has its benefits.

Posted by Joe Liscouski Sep 11, 08:55 AM

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